Addiction That Came In Handy
“I push my finger into my eyes
It’s the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it’s made of all the things I have to take
If this pain goes on…I’m not gonna make it”
- Slipknot -
A weird thing has happened to me recently. It may have been a coincident but it really helped me in a way. It happened on a night that I was trying so hard to quit smoking. That night I was restricting myself from any cigarette activities…well… smoking and buying it is. The craving really hit me that night…and the best thing I can do was choking myself with a gallon of water…and lying down in front of the TV. It was my third day without cigarette…and of course my I-don’t-know-how-many-time attempt to give up this habit of mine. The craving kept growing by minutes and the worse thing was… I couldn’t sleep. Damn! At that moment…I wish I have someone to talk to. But yeah…it’s out of the context…not gonna happen. Finally I gave up to the temptation around 3 in the morning. And so…I decided to go out and give myself a treat of a cigarette and a glass of teh o limau kosong. So…I grabbed my jeans, my phone and my wallet and embark on my journey to extravagance J As I was unlocking the front door of my house…I was surprised to see that another set of the keys is nicely slotted in the lock set of the outer side of the door. Should anybody come that nite; the only thing he needed to do to get in my house was to turn the key and voi la! You’re in! Until now, I never know how those keys have ended up in the slot throughout the night. But I’m pretty sure it wasn’t me J I was there, in front of the door for about 5 minutes. My craving was suddenly swapped with the thought that how lucky we were that nite. So…I’ve decided to take that chance to reprogram my short term plan for the nite J I went back to my room, took off my jeans, treat myself to a glass of water and went to sleep. Since that moment, I haven’t had anymore craving when I’m at home. I don’t know how and why…but yupp…I haven’t been smoking at home for quite sometime now.
Well…that wasn’t my last moment as a smoker. I’m still smoking when I’m out with frens. As I was writing this, I really thought that I need help to manage this addiction. Yes! I need help! I want to quit so bad! Is there any CAA (Cigarette Addicts Anonymous) in town? ;P I think it’s about time for me to quit this habit…and maybe I have to find another thing to do that might help me overcome smoking. Actually…I have promised myself that I will quit when I have a gf…but I doubt that the day will come anytime soon. I have to quit by next year! I must! I want to! Now…could anybody give me any suggestion? Or help? Or whatever? No? Yeah…I know…it’s my problem. Deal with it yourself, Mr! Hehehe.
“Garment rose, dirty face
Pretty noose is pretty hay
And I don’t care what you got
I don’t care what you need
I don’t want anything…
And I don’t like what you got me hanging from”
- Soundgarden -
