and all that jazz…

“I push my finger into my eyes

It’s the only thing that slowly stops the ache

But it’s made of all the things I have to take

If this pain goes on…I’m not gonna make it”

- Slipknot -

A weird thing has happened to me recently. It may have been a coincident but it really helped me in a way. It happened on a night that I was trying so hard to quit smoking. That night I was restricting myself from any cigarette activities…well… smoking and buying it is. The craving really hit me that night…and the best thing I can do was choking myself with a gallon of water…and lying down in front of the TV. It was my third day without cigarette…and of course my I-don’t-know-how-many-time attempt to give up this habit of mine. The craving kept growing by minutes and the worse thing was… I couldn’t sleep. Damn! At that moment…I wish I have someone to talk to. But yeah…it’s out of the context…not gonna happen. Finally I gave up to the temptation around 3 in the morning. And so…I decided to go out and give myself a treat of a cigarette and a glass of  teh o limau kosong. So…I grabbed my jeans, my phone and my wallet and embark on my journey to extravagance J As I was unlocking the front door of my house…I was surprised to see that another set of the keys is nicely slotted in the lock set of the outer side of the door. Should anybody come that nite; the only thing he needed to do to get in my house was to turn the key and voi la! You’re in! Until now, I never know how those keys have ended up in the slot throughout the night. But I’m pretty sure it wasn’t me J I was there, in front of the door for about 5 minutes. My craving was suddenly swapped with the thought that how lucky we were that nite. So…I’ve decided to take that chance to reprogram my short term plan for the nite J I went back to my room, took off my jeans, treat myself to a glass of water and went to sleep. Since that moment, I haven’t had anymore craving when I’m at home. I don’t know how and why…but yupp…I haven’t been smoking at home for quite sometime now.

Well…that wasn’t my last moment as a smoker. I’m still smoking when I’m out with frens. As I was writing this, I really thought that I need help to manage this addiction. Yes! I need help! I want to quit so bad! Is there any CAA (Cigarette Addicts Anonymous) in town? ;P I think it’s about time for me to quit this habit…and maybe I have to find another thing to do that might help me overcome smoking. Actually…I have promised myself that I will quit when I have a gf…but I doubt that the day will come anytime soon. I have to quit by next year! I must! I want to! Now…could anybody give me any suggestion? Or help? Or whatever? No? Yeah…I know…it’s my problem. Deal with it yourself, Mr! Hehehe.

“Garment rose, dirty face

Pretty noose is pretty hay

And I don’t care what you got

I don’t care what you need

I don’t want anything…

And I don’t like what you got me hanging from”

- Soundgarden -

“Never saw it as the start…it’s more a change of heart. Rapping on the window and whistling down the chimney pot. Blowing up the dust in the room where I forgot…I laid my plans in solid rock.”

- Ocean Colour Scene -

I read an article last week about sexual ideology. It mentioned bout how low statistically the people in this particular place believe in sex after marriage and the people who believe that there should be only one partner is getting lesser and lesser. Well…I’m not being judgemental wutsoever…it’s just that it kinda reminded me of a conversation I had with a girl some time ago. It was an interesting conversation….it wasn’t all bout the idea of sex…it’s also bout the idea of faithfulness….and just like any other fulfilling conversation…I did enjoy it. So…the conversation went on to somethin like this…

Girl : So…K…getting lucky tonite?

Me : Wut? Wut in our history of friendship that makes u think I will get lucky?

Girl : Oh…C’mon K…don’t tell me that u don’t wanna get lucky.

Me : Hahaha! Well…I’d love to…but not like wut u’ve just suggested.

Girl : Wut do ya mean?

Me : I don’t believe in meaningless sex. Moreover…I believe that I should only have sex with my wife…whoever she is. Hehehe.

Girl : Hahaha! Nice one K! (pushing my face away in other direction)

Me : Yupp…nice one! And it’s true.

Girl : (Grinning in surprise) U kiddin me me rite? U don’t believe in that do u?

Me : Why not?

Girl : It’s not normal K…we’re not in the 50’s anymore K! Or is it because of ur religion?

Me : Well…yeah…in a way.

Girl : Rite..rite.. But I don’t think that it’s possible for u.

Me : Hehehe. Why so? Girl : Guys like u can’t avoid sex. Even if u stand strong by that thought of yours….u’ll eventually get lured by some girls. Now…don’t tell me that u can stand that. Hehehe.

Me : Ohh…C’mon…I’m not that hot that someone would come and seduce me.

Girl : Well…says u! U just don’t see it do ya? Open your eyes and take a look around K…there are girls who want u…they’re just waiting for your signal.

Me : Hahahaha! U must be kiddin me. U know wut? Spare me the details. I don’t wanna know. Hehehe.

Girl : See…u just don’t care (pushing my face again). So…U sayin that u can stand seduction?

Me : Hahaha. I don’t think so! U know wut…I’m no different from any guys u know when it comes to this…but I have to find a way so that it wouldn’t happen. U know wut I mean?

Girl : Yeah…but how so?

Me : To me the best way is to avoid anything that could lead to it. If I show no interest…no girl would be stupid enough to seduce me…rite?

Girl : Hmmm….maybe. So…u’ve been avoiding all these years?

Me : Yupp! Hehehe. And saving myself for that special someone. Hehehe.

Girl : (Rolling her eyes) Well…I think it is a rather stupid idea. Hehehe.

Me : Really? Maybe so…but I’ll stick to it.

Girl : But then again…maybe u’re just hopeless romantic. But u know wut? U could be a victim of ur own stupidity ya know?

Me : Wut do ya mean? Girl : If u gonna get someone who has the same idea…it would be a blessing…but if otherwise…well…God knows wut will happen. It’s too risky K. Being too faithful can hurt u more than u know.

Me : Yeah…I know. I’m pretty much aware of the risk. U know…it’s like this…I know wut I’m in for…and I’m willing to take the risks.

Girl : Hmm…don’t say that I didn’t warn u.

Me : Hehehe. Don’t worry. I won’t Oh yeah…I forgot. Are u getting lucky tonite? Hehehe.

Girl : Ouhh…Fuckin hell! Shut up K! Well…since u’ve mentioned it….maybe I will. Hahaha. Just pray that u will never have a girlfriend like me!

Me : Hahahaha!

“Akan Kita Bersama…Selama-lamanya Kau lah segala…yang ku nantikan selama ini di hati Nescaya cinta ini…untuk kau dan aku.”

- Sheila Majid -

Anybody seen any rainbow recently? Well….I’ve seen three…yupp…three rainbows in three consecutive days. What a beautiful sight. It reminds me of the Care Bears J The fact that they can walk on the rainbow has given me an idea to find where a rainbow actually starts and ends. And of course….as stupid as it may sound…nobody has really found where it starts and ends. I think it’s kinda peculiar though…they have worked out the whole theory on how a rainbow is formed…but still they can’t find the starting and the ending point Rainbow is a symbol of harmony…unity….prosperity and happiness…well…that is what I think at least J 7 colours…lining up together….isn’t that harmony? Hehehe. Hmm…talking bout the number 7.  I’ve noticed that Allah has made so many things in 7. To name a few…7 colours of rainbow…7 levels of sky (7 petala langit) and 7 levels of earth (7 petala bumi). That’s the beauty of God’s creation. Subhanallah! But what we as humans do with it? We just take…take and take and never give back. We drilled down through the ground without compensating the earth movement….we emit so much in the air that made the sky so grey and dull though there’s no rain coming. I have a thought bout rain…rain is a symbol of sadness…loneliness…despair…and cleansing. It’s a metaphor on how sad mother nature is on what’s going on in it….and of course a way to clean up all the mess we have made in it.  Some people have been messing up with mother nature while foreseeing the consequences…and the victims has always been the ones who’s not in ‘messing up plan’ or the ones who don’t know bout the consequences. This is where the other 7 takes place…the 7 sins it is. We meet our own interest by destroying things around us…taking so many things in offer without giving back. Even giving back to nature can be an intriguing agenda now…and that would be another story J Talking bout destroying the nature…as happy as I am to see 3 rainbows in 3 days…there was a bitter sweet state that occurred to me recently. The sweet part was…I saw a family of 3 boars somewhere near my house…and the weird thing is…I saw them again at the same place the night after. It really got me to think and notice on how they seem so lost. I finally realised the bitter part…they have lost their habitat due to construction work near the area. I wonder if there will be a day where these animals invade our habitat the same way we did to them. J God has given us the brains so that we can take care of each other and all the things around us. We are the only kind who’s responsible for the outcome of the future for all. So…if something should happen to us in the future….don’t go and blame it on the ones without the brains…blame it on the brains with big ambitions and think that they’re making the world a better place. I really hope that I won’t be around anymore at the time where there’s nothing that could be salvaged…not even our own dignity. Enough said! J

“Now you’ve got what you want

Give us back the trees

If I got to live here… I got to breathe

Peeling an orange…I’m expecting the sweetness.

Peeling an orange…I ‘m very optimistic

But sometimes the acid stings my eyes.”

- Talk Show -